Tuesday, September 29, 2009

This is who I am....

At this moment, we are strangers.... I won't move my world for a stranger, I'm sorry. I can't go on blind faith after all this time. So, your choice, we start over with a goal in mind, or we drift into a quiet ending. Tell me what you want.

I am a good woman. I know that. I love with more honesty and passion than any ten women you're likely to ever meet. But I am tired. I don't need things of any kind to be happy, but I do need to know that I matter more than anything else. No one has ever really made me feel like I matter, and I'm now at a place where I can't keep living solely on hope and offering my love to people who throw it back at me. I am not a bitch, I am not a liar, I don't play games with people's hearts or heads, and I am not some bubble-headed twit looking to get screwed senseless. My past is gone, over. It wasn't much so no great loss.... tomorrow is a promise.... today I'm alone. I don't want all the todays to end alone. I should be cynical and jaded, I'm not. Somehow, in spite of it all, I still DO hope, I still believe in dreams.... and I still think love is the only gift that matters. I don't know why no one wants or loves me..... I can't even pretend I understand that anymore. I accept it for the truth it is. And hope that maybe one of the tomorrows will give me an answer that isn't "No." So, dreamer, fool, romantic - whatever label fits, this is who I am..... I don't really expect life to be kind to me, but given how few choices there are in this world, hope seems to be the only real option worth holding onto.

Only time knows the answers.... when I lie in bed at night wishing there was someone to touch and turn to.... I wonder how much more time I can bear before it breaks my spirit and my heart for the last time.... sadly, I think the sand is getting thin in that hourglass.....


  1. Don't give up, Denyse. When Pandora opened the box, hope was the only good thing that escaped and the only thing so many of us have in these troubled times.
    I know we can't all be there for you the way a lover is, but we do love you and care for you so very much, simply because you're a friend and worthy of our loyalty and time. It's just like you said, there is always tomorrow to look forward too and someday...

    My wish is that you could find what it is you are looking for and need.

    Hugs and loves

  2. How can a man with half a brain not see and feel the love you have to offer? You have friends who love you, but I know it isn't the same. Don't give up, but look forward. No door closes without another one opening. Everyone is meant to love and be loved. You are no exception. If you give someone a gift that precious and they refuse it, then give the gift to someone who will cherish it. He is out there.

    I love you, Louise!


  3. I've sometimes felt this way and I've been married for 25 yrs.

  4. Hope never really leaves; sounds rich coming from me I know.
    You can turn away, run like mad in the other direction, but it's a lesser known sibling of Fate - it WILL find you no matter what.

    Someone said
    "It ain't over until the Fat Lady Sings"
    ......and since I can't sing a note, I suspect you're pretty much going to be OK... ;-)

    “Love comes to those who still hope even though they've been disappointed, to those who still believe even though they've been betrayed, to those who still love even though they've been hurt before.”

    I don't know who said this either, but it was as true then as it is now. Just because I have no hope, doesn't mean you shouldn't have!!!!

    You are worth it. Don't forget that.

    LJ xx

  5. You are a lovely and worthwhile woman. Someday a man who deserves you will wake up and see you for the treasure you are.

  6. You are all so kind and generous, and loving.... thank you for blessing my world with your friendship, always.


  7. Every word on this comment page is HEARTFELT and TRUE!

    Out there some where, there is a man worthy of your love.

    I love you Dee,

    Margaret - HUGS


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